I am typing this definitely not from work, after a brutal red-eye flight where I came to the horrifying realization that my seat didn’t recline, EVEN THOUGH I paid extra for it, since it was in an exit row. And I also should have had the row to myself but some terrible troll complained about her seat being broken (suck it up girl) and she sat in my aisle seat. Apparently I have some pent up aggression towards her still. Apparently sleeping hunched over my tray table with a jacket as my pillow doesn’t make me the perkiest. Weird.
After a weekend of very little sleep, very much alcohol, and a dearth of leafy greens of any sort, I am desperate to get back on some sort of track. The gym probably also misses me. So starting tomorrow (I ate an entire bar of “Awake” chocolate earlier, so that’s how this day is going), I am diving headfirst into this simple cleanse. Basically, you just cut out everything good in your life for ten days: gluten, dairy, processed sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. Throw some shakes in in the morning. Feel better. Since someone who shall remain nameless might have overtaxed my blender, I’m probably going to rely on overpriced smoothies from some fancy schmancy juice place for my morning meals, but the rest of the day it’s on like Donkey Kong.
I already cook dairy- and gluten-free at home, so the biggest change up is going to be caffeine—which has become an everyday thing for someone who used to never drink coffee. Wish me luck. Do it with me. Laugh at the fact that this is like the bazillionth (totally a number) time I’ve said I’m doing a cleanse in the last few months. Just please don’t invite me out for wine. I just can’t after a wedding with cab sauv pours so large that the thought of red wine makes me grumpy cat.